As previously blogged, I’m generally not a fan of weddings, but I have to go to one in a few weeks (thereby missing out on FREE TICKETS to an Underworld gig – fume!). In an attempt to liven up proceedings I’ve made up a game to keep me amused. Feel free to borrow it next time you find yourself stuck at a dull wedding.
There are several playing options – depending on how much you want to drink.
Option 1 – maximum drinking
Every time one of the below happens – take a swig. Presumably you won’t have a drink in your hand when you’re in the church etc, so just make a mental note to drink later. This may mean immediately necking three glasses as soon as alcohol is offered to you. I told you this game would liven things up.
Option 2 – not so much, but still potentially quite a lot of drinking
Challenge your plus one. First to spot that something has happened gets to make the other one drink. You might need to agree a code beforehand, rather than just shouting out “Chubby arms!” for example.
Option 3 – no drinking
For teetotallers (this usually includes me, but weddings generally drive me to drink) score the points listed below and compare scores with your plus one.
Take a drink / score points when:
1. Someone describes the bride as “stunning” – score 5 points
2. The bride is wearing a sleeveless dress despite having chubby arms – score 5 points*
3. The person officiating mispronounces the bride or groom’s name – score 15 points
4A. In church, the congregation completely murders the hymn – score 10 points
4B. In registry office – there is a problem with the sound system and the music either starts way too loud or way too quiet and has to be cranked up/down or there’s a long pause where it doesn’t start at all – score 10 points
5. You see or hear someone who has dressed completely inappropriately for the weather conditions complaining / shivering / holding hat in place in high winds / struggling in high heels in grass – score 5 points. If it’s a man – score 20 points
6. Guests’ wedding outfit sweepstake – fascinator (mini-hat) – 1 point, pashmina (shawl) – 2 points, bolero (jacket where it looks like someone has cut off bottom half) – 3 points, cummerbund (male tummy sash) – 4 points, someone wearing a white or black dress (faux pas) – 5 points (all per garment)
7. You spot two or more guests in the same outfit (bridesmaids don’t count) – 10 points
8. At least 80% of the confetti goes nowhere near the couple, due to high winds and / or ineffective throwing action from guests – 5 points
9. You hear the photographer call someone “my love” or similar when instructing them in how to pose – 5 points
10. You have white wine and red wine on the table and the white wine gets drunk first – score 5 points
11. The main course is chicken – score 5 points
12. An elderly guest is surprised that the wedding cake is not a fruit cake – score 10 points
13. The best man describes the bride as “a lovely girl” – score 10 points
14. Crying sweepstake – mother of the bride or groom – 1 point, bride – 2 points, random female guest – 3 points, bridesmaid – 4 points, groom – 5 points, father of the bride or groom – 6 points, random male guest – 7 points, best man / usher – 8 points.
15. Someone says “It’ll be your turn one day” or similar to a single person or asks an umarried couple whether they are planning to marry – score 10 points.
16. Someone tells you an anecdote about something how disaster nearly struck this wedding (NB “disaster” usually means e.g. the florist didn’t have the correct flowers) – score 10 points
17. Someone tells you how much an aspect of the wedding cost, even though you didn’t ask – score 10 points
18. Someone reminisces about their own wedding / talks about their own future wedding plans – score 3 points
19. You see someone aged over 50 dancing with someone aged under 10 – score 5 points.
20. You see a woman wearing her partner’s suit jacket towards the end of the evening – score 5 points.
*Then deduct 100 points for thinking, even to yourself, that the bride has chubby arms. How dare you? She’s stunning!