Wedding Mania

Considering my feelings in relation to weddings, it is somewhat ironic that by far and away the most popular posts on this blog are my wedding drinking game and my thoughts on gypsy wedding dresses.  They both have 4 times as many hits as the third most popular post. 

So hello wedding enthusiasts! 

To those searching for a wedding drinking game; apologies that my one is really just a bit of a gag about common things that happen at weddings and is probably unplayable unless you can be bothered to print off and refer to the list during the day as you get steadily drunker.  There is clearly demand for a wedding drinking game though, so I will endeavour to create something more user-friendly.  How about: – take a drink every time you want to crack a joke at the silliness of it all, but can’t, because it’s not socially acceptable to demonstrate that you are anything other than overcome by the sheer romance of the couple’s special day. 

To those searching for gypsy wedding dresses;  I expect a lot of you just wanted to scoff at the ridiculous dresses.  Yes they are ridiculous, but if you’ve ever worn a regular wedding dress then to my eyes you look equally ridiculous.  At least those gypsy brides are committing to their chosen look, whereas you were probably ridiculous and boring.

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Big Fat Gypsy Wedding

I’m watching this programme on Channel 4.  We’re being invited to laugh at the OTT wedding dresses, but to me they don’t look that much different to normal wedding dresses.

Gypsy wedding dress

A normal wedding dress

I mean, I can see that the gypsy wedding dress is made of cheaper material and is up a few notches from the normal version, but they’re not a million miles apart, are they?  I don’t know why people think one is completely unremarkable and the other is something to scoff at.  They both look pretty ridiculous to me.

Wedding mania

Breakfast Television. Gah!! 6

There was someone from Crown Derby being interviewed this morning about their range of memorabilia for the royal wedding.

Of course, tastes have changed since the last big royal wedding, so we have to keep up with new fashions.  For example, this time we’re including a range of wedding paper weights.

Steady on there.

WTF? #14

Facebook has informed that a recently married friend has changed her name.  Even though this is a depressingly frequent occurrence, I’m always a bit surprised when people I know make this choice.  A quick facebook census shows me that out of 30 married women among my friends (most of whom are university-educated professionals in their twenties):

18 have changed their names

7 have kept their maiden names

1 has gone double-barrelled

3 are married to other women (none of them have changed their names)

1 has conveniently married someone with the same name

Seriously 18 of you – what the hell do you think you are doing?  Unless your surname is “Bottomley-Ballsack” or something, then there’s simply no excuse for this kind of behaviour.

Wedding Drinking Game

As previously blogged, I’m generally not a fan of weddings, but I have to go to one in a few weeks (thereby missing out on FREE TICKETS to an Underworld gig – fume!).  In an attempt to liven up proceedings I’ve made up a game to keep me amused.  Feel free to borrow it next time you find yourself stuck at a dull wedding.

There are several playing options – depending on how much you want to drink.

Option 1 – maximum drinking

Every time one of the below happens – take a swig.  Presumably you won’t have a drink in your hand when you’re in the church etc, so just make a mental note to drink later.  This may mean immediately necking three glasses as soon as alcohol is offered to you.  I told you this game would liven things up.

 

Option 2 – not so much, but still potentially quite a lot of drinking

Challenge your plus one.  First to spot that something has happened gets to make the other one drink.  You might need to agree a code beforehand, rather than just shouting out “Chubby arms!” for example.

 

Option 3 – no drinking

For teetotallers (this usually includes me, but weddings generally drive me to drink) score the points listed below and compare scores with your plus one.

Take a drink / score points when:

1.  Someone describes the bride as “stunning” – score 5 points

2. The bride is wearing a sleeveless dress despite having chubby arms – score 5 points*

3.  The person officiating mispronounces the bride or groom’s name – score 15 points

4A.  In church, the congregation completely murders the hymn – score 10 points

4B.  In registry office – there is a problem with the sound system and the music either starts way too loud or way too quiet and has to be cranked up/down or there’s a long pause where it doesn’t start at all – score 10 points

5.  You see or hear someone who has dressed completely inappropriately for the weather conditions complaining / shivering / holding hat in place in high winds / struggling in high heels in grass – score 5 points.  If it’s a man – score 20 points

6.  Guests’ wedding outfit sweepstake – fascinator (mini-hat) – 1 point, pashmina (shawl) – 2 points, bolero (jacket where it looks like someone has cut off bottom half) – 3 points, cummerbund (male tummy sash) – 4 points, someone wearing a white or black dress (faux pas) – 5 points (all per garment)

7.  You spot two or more guests in the same outfit (bridesmaids don’t count) – 10 points

8. At least 80% of the confetti goes nowhere near the couple, due to high winds and / or ineffective throwing action from guests – 5 points

9.  You hear the photographer call someone “my love” or similar when instructing them in how to pose – 5 points

10.  You have white wine and red wine on the table and the white wine gets drunk first – score 5 points

11. The main course is chicken – score 5 points

12. An elderly guest is surprised that the wedding cake is not a fruit cake – score 10 points

13. The best man describes the bride as “a lovely girl” – score 10 points

14. Crying sweepstake – mother of the bride or groom – 1 point, bride – 2 points, random female guest – 3 points, bridesmaid – 4 points, groom – 5 points, father of the bride or groom – 6 points, random male guest – 7 points, best man / usher – 8 points.

15. Someone says “It’ll be your turn one day” or similar to a single person or asks an umarried couple whether they are planning to marry – score 10 points.

16. Someone tells you an anecdote about something how disaster nearly struck this wedding (NB “disaster” usually means e.g. the florist didn’t have the correct flowers) – score 10 points

17.  Someone tells you how much an aspect of the wedding cost, even though you didn’t ask – score 10 points

18.  Someone reminisces about their own wedding / talks about their own future wedding plans – score 3 points

19.  You see someone aged over 50 dancing with someone aged under 10 – score 5 points.

20. You see a woman wearing her partner’s suit jacket towards the end of the evening – score 5 points.

Wedding mania

*Then deduct 100 points for thinking, even to yourself, that the bride has chubby arms.  How dare you?  She’s stunning!