Vietnam – Where the Dregs of English Language Broadcasting Go to Die

In Vietnam there seem to be fairly few youth hostels, so we’ve been staying in hotels and guesthouses. Blowing the budget, but needs must. Anyway, this means that we have been getting some little luxuries like satellite tv. Usually there’s only a couple of English language channels, and the quality of the programming is not high. I have mainly been watching:

1. America’s Next Top Model – I used to watch this a few years ago when I had that channel, so this is a bit of a guilty pleasure. Miss J is no longer on the panel, having been replaced by what appears to be his dad. They let NotedFashionPhotographerMrNigelBarker do a lot more talking, which I think is a bad move.

2. Asian music channels – these are dominated by boy and girl bands, and each band seems to have 8, 10, 15 members. Sometimes you can go through a whole video trying to count them and at the end you can only be sure that it’s somewhere between 9 and 12.

3. Various cookery programmes featuring Gordon Ramsey swearing

4. English football – if Liverpool are playing, Mr Beet won’t let me change channel during half-time or post-match analysis, even though said analysis is in Vietnamese.

5. The Bachelorette – I guess “the Spinster” was a less catchy title, although it does have the advantage of being an actual word. A woman whittles down potential suitors. It is the most despicable programme I have ever seen, and I have watched and enjoyed Take Me Out with Paddy McGuinness. I think it may bs an Al-Qaeda recruitment video. It certainly makes me want to start a jihad against the immoral, decadent West.

6. Groomer Has It – essentially America’s Next Top Dog Groomer.

7. Mr Bean – actually makes me ashamed to be British.


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