I got something delivered the other day in lots of bubble wrap. Oh deep joy! I know everyone loves bubble wrap, but it started me thinking about other things that make me a lot happier than seems sensible. This is not a list of the things that make me happiest. It’s a list of things that by rights I should get no pleasure from at all, but I do.
1. Along the same lines as bubble wrap, depressing those little buttons you get on the plastic tops of drink cups at the cinema.
2. Doing long-winded interest calculations – the best thing from when I was a trainee in the property department. So satisfying. I used to love doing accounts exercises on the LPC as well – when it all balances at the end. Orgasmic.
3. Spirit levels. Not that I’ve ever had to use one, but I find concept behind them beautiful in its simplicity and it makes me happy whenever I see someone using one.
4. Ice cream cones – ice cream is obviously awesome, but then someone invented ice cream cones – food packaging that you can eat! Genius – no waste, why don’t we do this for all foods? It makes me cross when you get a napkin to hold round your ice cream cone – not necessary and introducing waste into the equation again when it had been so successfully removed. Also, now you sometimes have the option to have a little cardboard tub instead of a cone – that’s a step back people!
5. Beeping my oyster card – boop!
6. Making lists. Could you guess?
7. Eating food that’s been dropped on the floor. Yes, I do know that that sounds weird, and no, I don’t drop food on the floor on purpose, but I do get a sort of smug satisfaction at not wasting food, having confidence in my immune system and knowing that it will make Mr Beet cringe. Ditto having a relaxed attitude to sell-by-dates.
8. Being called “sir” at tae kwon do. There are several advantages to being a blackbelt – it impresses some people, you get bowed to a lot, you get to teach the class sometimes, but the bit that really pleases me is being called “sir”. I didn’t think I’d ever be a “sir” without a sex change so it’s a unexpected bonus – and a weird combination of being respectful and slightly silly at the same time. Highly preferable to “miss” – I’m not a primary school teacher.
9. When you have an itch on your eyeball and you scratch it very gently. I guess because it’s so sensitive it feels amazingly satisfying.
10. Getting a good bruise – I keep a photo record of my best ones, although the photos never really do them justice. I’m jealous of Mr Beet, who bruises like a peach.