WTF? #30

At the Cheesecake Factory in San Francisco: I don’t want to be too full to enjoy my cheesecake, so I’ll just get a salad for my main course. 

WTF? #29

In Cedar City, Utah, we had dinner at a restaurant which had fried chicken as part of its salad bar. While I have nothing against fried chicken per se, I do think that you are asking for trouble if you start classifying it as “salad”.

WTF? #28

After being in South America for about six weeks, I´ve just found out that the word I learnt for “computer” at school many years ago is now hopelessly outdated. Everyone says “computador” instead of “ordenador” these days. I´ve essentially been going into internet cafes and asking “Can we use two difference engines please?“

WTF?? #27

Within seconds of introducing ourselves to an American tourist at our lodge in the Amazon.

American: “I know a great website for scopes and all sorts of gun accessories.“

Me: “We’re British.  We don’t do guns.”

American:  ”What about muskets?  Are you allowed to have muskets?”

WTF? #26

Doing nothing to challenge national stereotypes, the German-run hostel we stayed at in Puerto Varas had lots of rules. Including this one:

WTF? #24

However they teach the Green Cross Code to Antipodean children, it is obviously a very effective method. Australians and New Zealanders will not cross without a green man, even when they can see that there is nothing coming for miles. I feel like some reckless maverick crossing the road on the red man. In Auckland we even saw people waiting for the green man when the road they wanted to cross was all coned off and shut to traffic.

WTF? #23

Overheard in the Fantastic Creatures from the British Museum exhibition at the Hong Kong Museum of Art:

“Is that a real unicorn horn?”

WTF? #22

Spotted in a Hong Kong shopping centre; a year old baby, 15 months max, with an iPad. Actually using it – doing the scrolly-scrolly finger and everything.

WTF? #21

Mr Beet, in a restaurant in Cochin:

“I think the chicken sandwich from here might have been what made me ill.”

Moments later…

“Chicken sandwich please.”

WTF? 20

I had to go the family planning clinic to stock up on pills for my round-the-world trip (my new GP has a rule that they will only prescribe 6 months’ worth - the clinic takes a much more sensible view).  I had to fill in the form and was slightly puzzled by the question:

“Are you aiming to:

(a) avoid a pregnancy?

(b) achieve a pregnancy?

(c) both?”

I’m not sure under what circumstances somebody would tick (c).  Maybe if they were trying to achieve some kind of quantum Schrodinger’s foetus, a la Amy Pond.