Tae kwon do

I’ve been doing tae kwon do for 9 years now. I’ve noticed that very often when people find out that I do tkd they say “that’s one of the more defensive martial arts, isn’t it?”. Errr..not really. It’s largely based around kicking techniques and in sparring the main objective is to kick your opponent, quite hard, ideally in the face. I’ve never worked out whether:

1. there is widespread misconception about tkd;

2. people are getting it confused with another martial art;

3. people assume that because I’m a woman I’d naturally opt for a more defensive style; or

4. I come across as the sort of gentle person who would naturally opt for a more defensive style.

Christmas Challenge – the Results

Here’s Jo’s tribute to Neil Buchanan

And here’s my effort

I think they’re both excellent (it is Christmas after all) but for sheer scale and ambition, I think the victory has to go to Jo.

Someone at Tae Kwon Do said I was like a Jedi

This made me very happy. In fact, I was only Jedi-like in that I managed to debilitate them with a very gentle block from my hand, because they already had a bruise, but still – a Jedi! Awesome. It even beats the time someone said I was like the Fonz when I made the photocopier work by kicking it.

Travel “Chaos”

I know things are quiet at the moment because everything’s winding down for Christmas but I wish the tv news would stop pretending that “travel chaos” is a news item worthy of so much attention. It’s winter. The weather’s bad. Some people are having trouble getting from A to B because of it. IT HAPPENS EVERY YEAR. I’m sure it’s very frustrating for those involved – but it’s just not a big news story and you can’t spend half your programme on it for days on end. Travel and weather have their own separate section after the proper news and barring some kind of major (and I mean major) incident that’s exactly where they should stay.

Compare and contrast:

Some people can’t get their flights because of snow in December – not news.

Some people can’t get their flights because terrorists have hijacked the Air Traffic Control system – news (also the plot of Die Hard 2)

Also, if I were boss of a news programme, I’d ban anyone from using the lazy hyperbolic cliche “travel chaos” which is ridiculous. There was heavy snow in February this year. I was meant to be flying from Gatwick but the trains couldn’t get through. Then when I finally arrived at the airport, the flights were cancelled. Then I couldn’t get back home for a while because the trains had stopped running again. All these things were pretty annoying, but was I in the middle of a swirling vortex of chaos? No. I was just stuck somewhere for a bit when I was meant to be somewhere else. There were queues. There was whingeing from my fellow travellers. There were stressed airport employees. If you think these things amount to “chaos” then you are severely lacking in imagination. Chaos means riots. If people are queuing, then that’s practically the definition of non-chaotic.

Christmas Challenge

Jo and I have come up with another challenge – to create a festive artwork from Christmas detritus, e.g. sweet wrappers and satsuma peel. Should while away a few minutes on Boxing Day. Feel free to submit your own masterpiece.

*UPDATE*

I’m now fully prepared

Christmas Carols

I saw this item on BBC breakfast about the nation’s top 5 Christmas carols, as voted for by listeners of Classic FM.

1. O Holy Night
2. Silent Night
3. In the Bleak Mid Winter (Darke)
4. Hark the Herald Angels Sing
5. In the Bleak Mid Winter (Holst)

Far be it from me to question the collective wisdom of Classic FM listeners, but aren’t these all…well, a bit shit? I’m a damned heathen but I love belting out a good carol at this time of year and none of these would make my top 5 (Hark the Herald is ok, but the rest – pffft). My top 5 are:

1. Deck the Halls (fa la la la)
2. O Come All Ye Faithful
3. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
4. Joy to the World
5. Ding Dong Merrily on High

SNOW!

It was all lovely and snowy on the Heath on Friday, enough for a snowball fight. But not enough to stop me having to go to work – boo!

Festive Top 5

What are your top 5 favourite things about Christmas? I love:

1. Making a list (actually a colour-coded excel spreadsheet) of people to get presents for in about September and gradually ticking everyone off. I’m normally finished a couple of weeks before Christmas so I can then feel super smug. I don’t know what comes over me – I usually hate shopping and I’ve literally never been this organised about anything else in my life.

2. Getting the Christmas tree – my mum and dad have a tradition where they don’t get their tree until late afternoon Christmas Eve when everyone is shutting up shop. There’s an element of danger as it’s sometimes difficult to find one by that stage. And also my Dad sees it as a challenge to either get one free or for next to nothing, as people are normally just giving them away by that time.

Now I do like the fun and tradition of getting one at the last minute, but I also like looking at my tree and it smelling all christmassy. So now I have the best of both worlds. I get my tree a couple of weeks before xmas and then I go round to my mum and dad’s on Christmas Eve to help them do theirs.

3. The Doctor Who Christmas Special – love Doctor Who all year round. In fact I think it might be my favourite TV programme of all time. The Christmas special is a little treat to keep me going between series. I’m sure the new Doctor is going to be great – looking forward to seeing what happens to David Tennant. I’ll probably have a little cry, I’m a real sucker for things like that.

4. Opening my stocking – I’m 27 and have always had a stocking. Thanks Father Christmas!

5. Mulled wine – I’m teetotal the rest of the year but I love mulled wine. When I make my own, I make it to my taste – i.e. sweet and weak and not too wine-y. Here’s my recipe:

2 bottles cheap red wine
1 carton of orange juice
1 clementine studded with cloves
2 cinnamon sticks
1 lump of root ginger about size of thumb, peeled
Sugar to taste

Heat heat heat, stir stir stir, yum yum yum.

Mr Beet’s top 5

1. Ham (We cook it on Christmas Eve for Christmas morning breakfast, but he usually sneaks a cheeky slice on the way home from midnight mass)

2. Christmas tree smell and getting the house all christmassy

3. Boxes of biscuits

4. Christmas dinner / boxing day buffet

5. New clothes to wear on christmas day – usually socks that are too big.

Stephen and the Sexy Partridge

I have to declare an interest here, as my friend Sarah is the stage manager, but this is the funniest, silliest, most christmassy show you’ll see. Stephen has pissed off his girlfriend and needs to make it up to her by getting a brilliant Christmas present. The Sexy Partridge is an alien superhero, dispatched to help him on his quest. It’s based on the 12 days of Christmas, so on the way they meet French hens, milk maids and Lords (including Vader, Mandelson and Byron) a leaping.

The theatre is tiny and it really feels like it’s a group of your mates putting on a show for you in your front room. I have to specially mention the music – which is fabulous and I don’t normally notice things like that.

I’ve seen the show two years running and would happily go and see it every Christmas.

Florida Holiday Triple Challenge – the Results

My friend Jo and I have both recently been on holiday to Florida and decided to have a bit of friendly competition and set ourselves some challenges

A test of character – Jo kicked my arse on this one with 58 characters v. my 33. I wasted the first couple of days as I was too embarrassed to approach the characters, but after the first few I was completely shameless. Jo and I both agree that Wolverine at Islands of Adventure was weirdly over-friendly.

A test of nerve – I had stopped screaming and was making an effort to smile in my photo (notice the empty seat beside me – Mr Beet couldn’t even be persuaded to go on the ride), but Jo just took it to another level. A worthy winner.

A test of guts – Lucy (independent arbitrator) has ruled my food photos (meat loaf and key lime pie) more worthy than Jo’s efforts (weird junk food). Yay! A little pride salvaged.